Day 5/7 The Interdependent Challenge

Today I stated my boundaries and got through another 24 hours of (trumpet sounds, please) The Interdependent Challenge.

At 9:30 this morning, I hopped on the bus for a half hour ride to my bodywork session. I got there at the scheduled time only to find the door locked. I waited ten more minutes, left a polite message on their v-mail, and went home. A few hours later, the receptionist called back to state I had made a mistake, my appointment was next Thursday. “No,” I said, “I have been coming every week, why would I skip this week?” “But your practitioner isn’t here this morning, I wouldn’t have booked you in.” “Well, you did,” I said, “I wrote it in my book.” I finally elicited an apology from her but it was without any sense of responsibility. She had made a mistake and I was the one paying for it through time and energy. There was no offer of compensation just a question if I was going to come next week. I told her I would think about it and call back.

I needed time to sort through all the different parts that were coming up. Although I was definitely irritated, especially for her “you made a mistake” comment, I was also somewhat softened by her apology. I was angry, however, that there was no acknowledgement of my time and energy and knew that if I had made the mistake and missed an appointment, I would have been charged the full amount. I even signed a clause stating I agreed to this. Even if I had sincerely said, “sorry” I would still have had to take financial responsibility for it. So, why shouldn’t they?

What was holding me back from demanding compensation was the “nice” part—the part of me that doesn’t like to rock the boat: I wanted good session work; I didn’t want bad feelings; I wanted to be the good client. In other words, the nice part is my codependent part that felt that I had to do things their way to get respect and good service.

I emailed a friend with my dilemma and she responded perfectly: “What would your interdependent self do?”

With that reinforcement, I called the practitioner, stated my case and got what I wanted: 50% discount off on my next session. I was respectful and compassionate to her receptionist’s mistake while being respectful to my boundaries and needs. In asking for just 50%, I acknowledged that mistakes happen but that the consequences need not be extreme or revenging. Finally, I feel we both gained: I felt stronger in who I was and the practitioner earned more of my respect and some client loyalty.

Mutuality, Respect and Community: Interdependence.